Colbert: ‘I wish I could forget Donald Trump having sex with people’ | Culture
Late-night hosts on Monday discussed Rudy Giuliani’s continued cable news appearances in defense of his client Donald Trump.
Stephen Colbert, after referencing Hawaii’s Kilauea volcano, began: “Speaking of natural disasters: Rudy Giuliani.”
Colbert noted that “bat boy’s grandfather has been everywhere, saying everything in no particular order”, detailing Giuliani’s shocking appearance on Sean Hannity’s show last week in which he said: “Trump, despite repeated denials, had in fact reimbursed Michael Cohen the $130,000 Cohen paid to Stormy Daniels.”
The host then showed footage of Trump defending the latest addition to his legal defense team, saying Giuliani “started yesterday” and will “get his facts straight”.
“That’s just Rudy Giuliani using a classic legal strategy,” Colbert joked. “Step one: go on every TV show known to man. Step two: learn the facts of your case.”
Colbert went on to show Giuliani’s more recent interview with George Stephanopoulos, in which he responded to a question about his statement to Hannity by saying: “I don’t know how you separate fact and opinion.”
“He’s right,” the host replied. “It can be very hard to separate fact and opinion. For instance: it’s my opinion that he is clearly lying, but that’s also a fact.”
“When the subject turned to the actual payment to Stormy Daniels, Rudy’s defense was ‘size matters’,” Colbert said, showing video of the former New York mayor describing the $130,000 as a “nuisance payment, not a real payment” and “not a great deal of money”.
Responding to reports that Trump knew of the payment months before denying it, Colbert said: “Maybe it’s because when Trump has sex with people, he somehow forgets, which is a useful skill. I wish I could forget Donald Trump having sex with people.”
Comedy Central’s Trevor Noah also zeroed in on Giuliani’s first weeks on the job as Trump’s defense attorney.
“Former New York mayor Rudy Giuliani is Donald Trump’s new lawyer,” Noah began. “In his debut last week, he revealed for the first time that Trump was involved in the late 2016 hush money payment to Stormy Daniels.”
The host then said Giuliani’s reveal “didn’t get the response that he and his new boss were hoping for”, showing the reaction to the revelation across cable news channels: in the clips, Giuliani’s admission was described as a “major screw-up” and a “murder-suicide”.
“Damn, that is the most brutal review I’ve heard since Mike Pence saw Wonder Woman,” Noah joked. “Trump broke out a special move he usually reserves just for his golf game: a do-over.”
After showing video of Trump promising Giuliani is “learning” and will “get his facts straight”, Noah joked: “That’s now how you describe a high-priced lawyer. That’s how you defend a kid who’s having trouble at school.”
Noah then explained that, on Sunday, Giuliani “went back to throw himself under the bus”. In a clip from his interview with Stephanopoulos, Giuliani said: “I’m not an expert on the facts yet. I am an expert on the law, and the fact is there is no way this is a campaign finance violation of any kind.”
“Whoa, you can’t have it both ways,” Noah shot back. “It’s like a detective walking into a crime scene and immediately saying, ‘I don’t know what happened here, but I’m gonna say he’s innocent. Alright, let’s go get lunch.’”
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Finally, Jimmy Kimmel also poked fun at Giuliani’s erratic TV appearances.
He began: “After 36 hours of wild, free-wheeling almost unhinged interviews on the president’s behalf last week, during which he directly contradicted the statements the president made about the payment to Stormy Daniels, to the point where the president himself had to say Giuliani is new and doesn’t know all the facts, what did Giuliani do?”
“He went out for a whole new round of interviews this weekend,” the host answered. After showing footage of Giuliani’s interview with Stephanopoulos, Kimmel joked about the unintelligibility of Giuliani’s words.
“I’ve got to tell you,” he said. “I don’t even know what he was trying to say. Bring in the board so we can really examine this.”
The host then had a chalk board with Giuliani’s statements written on it wheeled onto the set.
“The question from George Stephanopoulos was whether Trump knew about Michael Cohen’s payment after the campaign,” Kimmel explained. He read aloud a sentence of Giuliani’s: “Those are the facts that we are still working on, and that, you know, may be in a little bit of dispute.”
“I think I know what’s going on,” Kimmel said. “I think their strategy right now is to put someone out there who’s even nuttier than Trump to make him look normal by comparison, and it’s working.”